The following 1/2 Act Play is a wistfully nostalgic look back at the dignified GOP presidential primary era of just a few months ago.
===========================================================
You Want A Job; I Want A... Job
setting: the bucolic western Virginia site of the non-partisan Residential Treatment Center For Sexual Misbehavior and Related Political Maladies. Dusk. Two adirondack chairs set on a porch overlooking the magnificent Blue Ridge Mountains.Cast:
Herb, a handsome 65 year old blowhard former pizza magnate with an impressive (and unwarranted) sense of his own suitability for high elected public office
Anthony, a nebbishy 45 year old former congressman with poor impulse control
(curtain rises)
Herb: Hey, Tony, did I tell you my wife is coming to visit today? A CONJUGAL visit!
Anthony: Herb, first, I keep telling you I prefer 'Anthony' and second, yes, you told me she's coming, but you tell me that every day and she never...
Herb: Yeah, I'm pretty excited. She's a good woman. She comes up to here on me!! heh heh heh (holds his hand level with his crotch) Hey, Tony, did I tell you I touched Rosaria's boob yesterday?
Anthony: Herb, they really don't want you to grope the nurs...
Herb: Yeah, I finally figured out you gotta wait till the end of her shift when the batteries run down on her taser. It still stings a little, but man, it's worth it... she's got quite a rack, wow.
Anthony: Herb, it's getting late, I have an early group in the morning and...
Herb: Sit down a minute, Tony. Hey, ya know, I made the pizza at dinner tonight! What did you think? Great pizza, right?
Anthony: Herb, it was a little greas...
Herb: Yeah, it's awesome, I know. Did I tell you? The ingredients for that pizza cost 11 cents? ELEVEN CENTS, Man!! You sell that for $9.99 a pie: INSANE profit!!
Anthony: It had a sort of funny sme...
Herb: Ya know the white gooey stuff on top?
Anthony: yeah, the cheese...
Herb: Heh, heh, heh... that ain't no cheese, brother! No, there's no cheese in that pizza. I call it Fo-Cheese. Get it? Faux cheese? I developed it myself, yes sir.
Anthony: Herb, I have to go...
Herb: Sit down, Tony. Wanna know what's in Fo-Cheese? Ok, it's talcum powder, paste wax and finely shredded tennis shoes! And the sausage is 100% pig nostril I get for $20 a ton!
Anthony: Oh god... Good thing, I don't eat pork.
Herb: What? You Hebrew?
Anthony: Yes, Herb, I'm Jewish.
Herb: Oh, yeah? Fine people, the Jews. Had lots of 'em working for me back in the day, yeah. Real smart. Hey, they couldnt control all the newspapers, Hollywood, the banks, prostitution and the illegal drug trade if they werent!
Anthony: Herb, those are all anti-semitic canards...
Herb: Hey, did I tell you I got the new Playboy in today?
Anthony: Herb, you know that's against the ru...
Herb: Yeah, Lindsay Lohan. Nice rack. Butter face. I wouldnt say no to her, tho, if I had her drunk in a locked limo and offered her a job at State in exchange for some... lip service.
Anthony: Herb, how can you offer her a job at the State Department? You're not president.
Herb: Heh, heh, heh!! SHE DON"T KNOW THAT!!! Well, Tony, I've got to get ready for my wife's visit. I'm gonna stop by the admin office on my way back to my room. Did you see that new receptionist? Denise? Damn, is she hot!! Her legs go ALL the way to the ground!! She's 24 years old, Tony. TWENTY FOUR! Wanna go with me? You lean over the counter to grab a candy from that bowl, you can look down her blouse. Pretty sweet.
Anthony: Yeah, ok, Herb, that sounds good.
Herb: Tony (slapping Anthony's knee) you're all right. And if I can't be out there... running for president, well, I can't think of another place I'd rather be than here. With a swell pal like you.
Anthony: Thanks, Herb, that's nice of you to say... Hey, did you see that tall housekeeper today? The one with the tight slacks? I forget her name... But I never forget a
(Anthony, Herb in unison) CAMEL TOE!!! HA HA HA HA...
The two laughing men walk off stage as the lights dim, the curtain falls and America sleeps just a little more soundly.
------------------------------------------------------
This was just a test entry. If it had been a real blog entry you would have received additional instructions.
